Here are some tips for communicating honestly.


Talk about how you feel, and about everything you want to get in life and in the relationship. Dont be embarrassed. Hold nothing back. 

Express Negative Feelings.

Talk about things that bother you at the moment  -  dont let resentments build up to the point where they become real problems. 

Avoid Attacks.

Speak in a way that focuses on your reaction, not on your spouses faults. Jack can say, "I feel out of control when the house is a mess." Or even, "I really like it when the house is clean and I dont feel comfortable otherwise." Jack should not say, "youre a lousy housekeeper, Millie." 

Know That Quiet Does Not Equal Content.

Recognize that a party who is quiet may be suffering, not happy. If you catch a remark that may signal unhappiness, dont let it pass. Patiently tease out the underlying resentment or concern. Dont let resentments build up to the point where they may become real problems. 

Know That Appearances Can Be Deceiving.

Jack may think he is the hurt one, or claim to be the hurt one, but he may be one who is hurting Millie. For example, Jack may be totally driven by his work. When Millie complains to him about not being around, or even has an affair because of this, Jack lashes out at her. Jack complains that Millie hurt him. Jacks point is true enough. But appearances are deceiving. In truth, it is Jacks neglect that was the root of the problem. 

Compliment the praiseworthy in your spouse.

Its the oldest advice, but its good advice. Jack can help turn things around just be being conscious of the things he values in Millie, and telling her so, on a regular basis.